In a funk!
In a funk! (5/5/2006 1:45:10 PM)
The past few days, I have been in a very strange mood. As in a previous blog I said I was not really sick, just don't feel "right". I have decided to use the word FUNK to describe my mood. Which means: funk1 (fungk) n. A state of cowardly fright; a panic. A state of severe depression. A cowardly, fearful person. I am not sure that this is really what I am feeling, but it's a good word, and I like using it. The true "me" is hiding somewhere deep inside and I just can't seem to find her. I left work early yesterday to go home because my "funk" was causing some issues at work. I got home and went straight to bed. I slept for close to 2 hours. The best sleep I have had in days. (Maybe this not sleeping might have something to do with my funk?) I then decided that maybe I just needed some sun (I am at the beach most weekends for hours but was unable to this past weekend - so maybe I was having withdrawals! hey, it's a thought) I sat in the sun for over an hour and it did make me feel much better. I then cut my grass, the part that isn't dead anyway due to lack of rain. Then I decided that I was ready for a shower and some more sleep. AAAAAH lovely sleeeeeeeeep.... About 7 my friend came and took me to dinner. I really didn't want to go but thought why not. We had a great time. Until.......... we got back to my house he started lecturing me on taking vitamins and what I should do about the stress in my life. I truly do not think that my "funk" has anything to do with stress. At this moment I don't have any real stress. So.... after listening to him lecture me and give me advice on various situations in my personal life, I decided he is the main cause of my stress. I didn't want to admit it to myself, that one of my friends, could cause me stress but it's true. He's a really nice guy but he wants more then the friendship I offer him. I can't give him more then friendship because I don't have anything other then friendship feelings for him. I have told him this several times. He keeps insisting that it's fine that we are just friends. But EVERY chance he gets he is giving me advice on anyone I go out with or talk to or even care about. It's all in a way so that if I do what he suggests I wouldn't have anyone else in my life ..... but him. Which would obviously work to his advantage now wouldn't it? He says other things too that just kind of rub me the wrong way and make me think that he is still trying to get me to think of him in a different way. Maybe my "funk" is coming from knowing that I have to make a decision about my friend. Do I have another talk with him about how I feel? Or do I cut the ties and the stress that goes with those ties and live my life MY WAY! After saying all of that, I do feel much better today and I am confident that I will continue to feel better. I think that sometimes we just need time for us and if we keep pushing ourselves and never take time for us our bodies will do it for us. Now I need time to decide how to handle the new situation I find myself in... Good Grief.. Like I don't already have enough crap to think about OUCH! Thinking hurts dang it!
The past few days, I have been in a very strange mood. As in a previous blog I said I was not really sick, just don't feel "right". I have decided to use the word FUNK to describe my mood. Which means: funk1 (fungk) n. A state of cowardly fright; a panic. A state of severe depression. A cowardly, fearful person. I am not sure that this is really what I am feeling, but it's a good word, and I like using it. The true "me" is hiding somewhere deep inside and I just can't seem to find her. I left work early yesterday to go home because my "funk" was causing some issues at work. I got home and went straight to bed. I slept for close to 2 hours. The best sleep I have had in days. (Maybe this not sleeping might have something to do with my funk?) I then decided that maybe I just needed some sun (I am at the beach most weekends for hours but was unable to this past weekend - so maybe I was having withdrawals! hey, it's a thought) I sat in the sun for over an hour and it did make me feel much better. I then cut my grass, the part that isn't dead anyway due to lack of rain. Then I decided that I was ready for a shower and some more sleep. AAAAAH lovely sleeeeeeeeep.... About 7 my friend came and took me to dinner. I really didn't want to go but thought why not. We had a great time. Until.......... we got back to my house he started lecturing me on taking vitamins and what I should do about the stress in my life. I truly do not think that my "funk" has anything to do with stress. At this moment I don't have any real stress. So.... after listening to him lecture me and give me advice on various situations in my personal life, I decided he is the main cause of my stress. I didn't want to admit it to myself, that one of my friends, could cause me stress but it's true. He's a really nice guy but he wants more then the friendship I offer him. I can't give him more then friendship because I don't have anything other then friendship feelings for him. I have told him this several times. He keeps insisting that it's fine that we are just friends. But EVERY chance he gets he is giving me advice on anyone I go out with or talk to or even care about. It's all in a way so that if I do what he suggests I wouldn't have anyone else in my life ..... but him. Which would obviously work to his advantage now wouldn't it? He says other things too that just kind of rub me the wrong way and make me think that he is still trying to get me to think of him in a different way. Maybe my "funk" is coming from knowing that I have to make a decision about my friend. Do I have another talk with him about how I feel? Or do I cut the ties and the stress that goes with those ties and live my life MY WAY! After saying all of that, I do feel much better today and I am confident that I will continue to feel better. I think that sometimes we just need time for us and if we keep pushing ourselves and never take time for us our bodies will do it for us. Now I need time to decide how to handle the new situation I find myself in... Good Grief.. Like I don't already have enough crap to think about OUCH! Thinking hurts dang it!
posted by makinitcount @ 1:58 PM
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